After dinner, we went to the closest LaQuinta because it had an indoor pool and hot tub. We checked in and went swimming for about an hour. The temperature of the pool was perfect. It felt like a bathtub, probably because it was connected to the hot tub. After our swim, we had a good night's sleep in a super comfy bed. We got up in the morning and went down to breakfast in our jammies. The breakfast area was pretty much empty except for the lady who was managing the area. She took an immediate liking to Lily. They talked about Santa Clause and swimming. Lily introduced her to teddy and told the lady she did not want to eat breakfast. The lady, Miss Debbie, made Lily a small waffle and put it on a place with butter and syrup eyes so it looked like a face. We had very pleasant conversation about our struggles this past year, and she wished us well in our coming year. Even without my makeup on, with Lily walking around to look at the pool, and us just hanging out in our jammies, Miss Debbie did not seem to have judgement about what was going on with us. She was genuine and really welcoming. Fabulous day.
John, Lily, and I had a good day out today. We drove to Scottsboro, Alabama last night to go to a little dive restaurant in the middle of no where. It has amazing fried fish and barbecue. We arrived in the area earlier than planned, so we stopped at the Unclaimed Baggage store. If you are not familiar, this is a group of stores that sell items from luggage that is left at the airport and bus and train terminals. It is set up like the Goodwill store where there are racks of sweaters, skirts, coats, and other clothes grouped by type of clothing. There is an entire room of electronics including all brands of laptops, gaming systems, personal dvd players, headphones, and sporting equiptment. There is a formal clothing section, an international clothing section, and another building for miscellanous items, such as small appliances, school supplies, car parts, and housewares. It was a fun place to go. I got a necklace, some earrings, and a skirt. John got some car parts. We decided that next time we will have to go without Lily because all she wanted to do was run up and down the aisles and hide in the clothing racks. I expect nothing less from our little nugget.
After dinner, we went to the closest LaQuinta because it had an indoor pool and hot tub. We checked in and went swimming for about an hour. The temperature of the pool was perfect. It felt like a bathtub, probably because it was connected to the hot tub. After our swim, we had a good night's sleep in a super comfy bed. We got up in the morning and went down to breakfast in our jammies. The breakfast area was pretty much empty except for the lady who was managing the area. She took an immediate liking to Lily. They talked about Santa Clause and swimming. Lily introduced her to teddy and told the lady she did not want to eat breakfast. The lady, Miss Debbie, made Lily a small waffle and put it on a place with butter and syrup eyes so it looked like a face. We had very pleasant conversation about our struggles this past year, and she wished us well in our coming year. Even without my makeup on, with Lily walking around to look at the pool, and us just hanging out in our jammies, Miss Debbie did not seem to have judgement about what was going on with us. She was genuine and really welcoming. Fabulous day.
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I decided that I need to get away for a few days. The last few months have been stressful and the completion of chemo has allowed all of that to come to the forefront, which has only added emotion to this situation. I love the idea of going to visit my in-laws in Texas because they have a really nice farm with animals and that is about it. No tv. No easily accessible internet. Just space and time to think. John and I have been pondering this trip, as it is about a 16 hour drive each way and would require at least two nights of hotel stays, one on the way there and one on the way back. After much discussion, John and I decided that going to Texas is just not in the cards at this point. We decided to go for a shorter trip to a little dive restaurant in Alabama and then return home through Chattanooga. We will take a couple of days and spend nights in hotels with indoor pools so Lily can swim. It is one of her favorite things to do. We do not have regular access to a pool, so we like to take advantage of opportunities like this. I think it will be fun times for all.
I finally took most of Lily's baby stuff to my sister's house for storage. It was a lot harder than I anticipated, and I was ready for a struggle. In addition to needing more space in our house, I decided that I could not look at these things everyday knowing that, if I am able to get pregnant again, it will not be for at least a year. I got everything out of the closet, and John put it in the car. I took the last box of clothes down to the car, and I lost it. Full on sobbing in the garage. After we tried for so long to get pregnant, I thought we were finally on our way back in June. If that had continued according to my plan, I would be seven months pregnant right now, and we would be figuring out how to add another beautiful baby to our little house. Instead, here I am recovering from chemo, trying to get things back on track, battling the insurance company, and wondering what my new insurance will cover. I am waiting to figure out what side effects of chemo and Lupron will stay around for a while and which ones will leave quickly - hair returning, neuropathy in my fingers and toes, fatigue, mood changes. Hoping that the Lupron shot protected my ovary so I have some chance of having another baby. Pondering adoption in case it did not.
I just wanted to have another baby. . . His due date was February 15th. He would have extended the family's birthday week by a couple of days, and that would have been fine with me. These are some of the pictures we have taken over the last week or so. From Lily's first stage performance where she was one of the loudest singers to seeing her bff santa to my Christmas or
Yesterday was my last chemo treatment. I also got another three month Lupron shot. It appears that this combination was not the best idea because today I feel really bad. It most closely resembles my first treatment, which also combined the chemo and Lupron in fairly quick succession. I did get acupuncture yesterday, but I feel like the chemo may have overtaken those effects. Only time will tell. I will get another acupuncture treatment tomorrow. At least I know this feeling bad part only lasts about a week. I can handle that.
I went for a visit with the doctor today. He seemed amazed by how well I am doing, the fact that I am still working, and that I came into his office smiling. He told me I looked great for having finished five rounds of chemo and that I "must be really tough." I take that as a compliment. :)
I had a mammogram last week, and that was all fine, which is a relief. It is really only a concern at my age because of the BRCA gene mutation. I will have a follow up PET scan after the sixth chemo treatment. The doctor will compare those results to the scan from before chemo. He does not expect to see anything concerning, and he said it will be helpful tracking concerns in the future. I will follow up with the doctor after the PET scan and every three months after that for the next two years. If everything is going well at that point, we will go to every six months. I know that is a while away, but I still wrote it in my meeting notes. I will also have to get my port accessed every five or so weeks, so I will not become a stranger to the infusion center for a while. We had a brief discussion about future children, but considering I am about to reup on my three month Lupron shot, that is not something I am really putting on the radar yet. John and I agreed that we will wait to consider pregnancy until the beginning of 2015 so I can heal physically and we can both recover mentally and emotionally. This is a difficult decision because I am not getting younger, but we want to be sure we are making a sound decision because it is a big one. So for now, I have one more chemo treatment to go. Then I will only have to deal with hot flashes and mood swings. . . At least I will have hair. Although I am giving strong consideration to keeping the short hair and wearing a wig when I want to. It is much less work than my original hair. I got chemo two days ago, and I ended up getting my acupuncture treatment the day before and the day of chemo due to the holiday. I was concerned that the effects of the chemo would overtake the effects of the acupuncture because they happened at the same time. I am happy to report that I don't feel ridculously bad. I spent pretty much the entire day on my couch, but I was able to go to my sister's house for dinner, which was fabulous. My family who live in Atlanta were there, as well as my sister's in laws, who are very nice people. Lily got to run around with her cousins and see her uncles. She has been excited about it for days.
I did not cook as I usually do, which I was a little upset about initially. In the end, it was good that I did not because my sense of taste is getting a little weird. Everything at Thanksgiving dinner was wonderful, but I find myself having to ask John more and more often if food in the fridge is still good and to taste things I am making to see if I need to adjust the spice. I have also recently taken a liking to spicier food, like "Aztec hot chocolate" from a local coffee house and scechwan eggplant from the farmers market. I know this is a common side effect of the chemo, but I thought maybe since I made it this far, I would not have to deal with that. Luckily for me, this round of chemo has also taken most of my appetite away. This is good going into the holiday season because I do like to partake in holiday goodies, and this will help me keep my consumption to a reasonable amount. I think that it will also provide the opportunity for my family to have another get together in January with holiday food. Bonus for them! When we got home from my sister's house, I returned to the couch. Fabulous John put Lily to bed, but not before we called my aunt in New York and Lily sang the "Bunny Nightlight" song from one of her favorite books. John always tries to get her singing on camera because it is about the cutest thing we have ever seen. Recently, she has been practicing for her preschool debut during which I assume she will be singing Jingle Bells, a song about Christmas being such a happy time, and possibly Down by the Station. This is purely speculation based on what she has been singing around the house. We will definitely have that on video. Be on the look out. . . December 19th, which means I may have it posted by the New Year. Hopefully I am kidding, but realistically, we will see. That will be three days after my last chemo, but I can almost guarantee that my focus w My uncle came into town yesterday just for one day for business, and I got to see him for a little bit, which was nice. He used to live closer, and since he left, we have not seen him as much.
The family members who live close got together for dinner, and of course my uncle came. When I set up the dinner for my family, I knew he would have one friend with him, but when he arrived, he had two friends with him. This was not a thing. It is kind of standard for people to show up for a family meal with an extra person or two. When they arrived, John and Lily and I moved toward the end of the table so they could sit in the middle and talk to everyone because we were at a long rectangular table. Towards the end of the meal, Lily and I switched places because she wanted to sit next to my uncle. All of this seems like minutia (spelling?) until I get to this part. . . At the end of the meal, Lily, who was now sitting at the middle of the table, picked up the last half of an asian pancake left over from the mu shu chicken and pulled off some pieces and ate them. Then she started breaking off pieces and giving them to everyone around her. It was at that point that I noticed that we had thirteen people, and my daughter was handing out unleavened bread. Craziness. Is this coincidence or premonition of things to come? (Or my Benadryl kicking in?) I mean, Lily was not an immaculate conception, but still, pretty weird. So I am here, getting chemo number 5. This is the second to last scheduled treatment, and the chemo nurse for my doctor just stopped in and confirmed that I will not need maintenance chemo, which is awesome.
I came in on Sunday for blood tests to make sure my white count was high enough, and it was not. I got a shot, which encouraged my bones to make more. That meant I could get my treatment today. When I came in today, I got blood tests again, and my white cell was high, but my magnesium was too low. That means I had to get a mag boost, which will add two hours to my treatment. At the end of the day, I will have been here from 8:30 in the morning until 5:15ish in the afternoon. I had to call and adjust my acupuncture treatment, which thankfully my acupuncturist could accommodate. I had originally scheduled it for 4:00, but was able to change it to 6:30. It will be a long day, but I am sure it will totally be worth it. Below is a slide show of me getting ready in the morning. Because I know not everyone who reads this wants to see me first thing in the morning without hair, I included this fabulous intro picture, which I did not take myself. If you are so inclined, you may peruse the other pictures to see all the stupid steps I take to get ready for my day. I took the pictures myself and am posting them online, which I am led to understand means they are "selfies." I hate taking pictures of myself almost as much as I hate the word "selfies," but John was getting Lily ready and I felt like I had put this off long enough. This post is mainly for my own documentation because I am sure I will look back through this later in my life and want to remember this part. When I was pregnant, my mother in law told me I should take pictures of my pregnant belly because I would want to look back at them after I had my baby. I was skeptical. If you have been pregnant, you know how unappealing the tum can become as the months go on, but she seemed like she knew what she was talking about. Of course, she was right, and I keep her in my mind as I take pictures these days. When I student taught in Mexico, I learned that getting makeup tattooed on your face was quite the rage. At the time I thought that seemed horrible for many reasons - pain, inability to change, pain, unrealisitc appearance. After drawing my face on for a number of weeks now, it makes a bit more sense. Having gotten a substantial tattoo on my back, I am still not sure it would be worth it to me. |
AuthorI am a wife, mother, artist, special education teacher, animal lover, free spirit, generally content person. Archives
March 2014
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