After dinner, we went to the closest LaQuinta because it had an indoor pool and hot tub. We checked in and went swimming for about an hour. The temperature of the pool was perfect. It felt like a bathtub, probably because it was connected to the hot tub. After our swim, we had a good night's sleep in a super comfy bed. We got up in the morning and went down to breakfast in our jammies. The breakfast area was pretty much empty except for the lady who was managing the area. She took an immediate liking to Lily. They talked about Santa Clause and swimming. Lily introduced her to teddy and told the lady she did not want to eat breakfast. The lady, Miss Debbie, made Lily a small waffle and put it on a place with butter and syrup eyes so it looked like a face. We had very pleasant conversation about our struggles this past year, and she wished us well in our coming year. Even without my makeup on, with Lily walking around to look at the pool, and us just hanging out in our jammies, Miss Debbie did not seem to have judgement about what was going on with us. She was genuine and really welcoming. Fabulous day.
John, Lily, and I had a good day out today. We drove to Scottsboro, Alabama last night to go to a little dive restaurant in the middle of no where. It has amazing fried fish and barbecue. We arrived in the area earlier than planned, so we stopped at the Unclaimed Baggage store. If you are not familiar, this is a group of stores that sell items from luggage that is left at the airport and bus and train terminals. It is set up like the Goodwill store where there are racks of sweaters, skirts, coats, and other clothes grouped by type of clothing. There is an entire room of electronics including all brands of laptops, gaming systems, personal dvd players, headphones, and sporting equiptment. There is a formal clothing section, an international clothing section, and another building for miscellanous items, such as small appliances, school supplies, car parts, and housewares. It was a fun place to go. I got a necklace, some earrings, and a skirt. John got some car parts. We decided that next time we will have to go without Lily because all she wanted to do was run up and down the aisles and hide in the clothing racks. I expect nothing less from our little nugget.
After dinner, we went to the closest LaQuinta because it had an indoor pool and hot tub. We checked in and went swimming for about an hour. The temperature of the pool was perfect. It felt like a bathtub, probably because it was connected to the hot tub. After our swim, we had a good night's sleep in a super comfy bed. We got up in the morning and went down to breakfast in our jammies. The breakfast area was pretty much empty except for the lady who was managing the area. She took an immediate liking to Lily. They talked about Santa Clause and swimming. Lily introduced her to teddy and told the lady she did not want to eat breakfast. The lady, Miss Debbie, made Lily a small waffle and put it on a place with butter and syrup eyes so it looked like a face. We had very pleasant conversation about our struggles this past year, and she wished us well in our coming year. Even without my makeup on, with Lily walking around to look at the pool, and us just hanging out in our jammies, Miss Debbie did not seem to have judgement about what was going on with us. She was genuine and really welcoming. Fabulous day.
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I decided that I need to get away for a few days. The last few months have been stressful and the completion of chemo has allowed all of that to come to the forefront, which has only added emotion to this situation. I love the idea of going to visit my in-laws in Texas because they have a really nice farm with animals and that is about it. No tv. No easily accessible internet. Just space and time to think. John and I have been pondering this trip, as it is about a 16 hour drive each way and would require at least two nights of hotel stays, one on the way there and one on the way back. After much discussion, John and I decided that going to Texas is just not in the cards at this point. We decided to go for a shorter trip to a little dive restaurant in Alabama and then return home through Chattanooga. We will take a couple of days and spend nights in hotels with indoor pools so Lily can swim. It is one of her favorite things to do. We do not have regular access to a pool, so we like to take advantage of opportunities like this. I think it will be fun times for all.
I finally took most of Lily's baby stuff to my sister's house for storage. It was a lot harder than I anticipated, and I was ready for a struggle. In addition to needing more space in our house, I decided that I could not look at these things everyday knowing that, if I am able to get pregnant again, it will not be for at least a year. I got everything out of the closet, and John put it in the car. I took the last box of clothes down to the car, and I lost it. Full on sobbing in the garage. After we tried for so long to get pregnant, I thought we were finally on our way back in June. If that had continued according to my plan, I would be seven months pregnant right now, and we would be figuring out how to add another beautiful baby to our little house. Instead, here I am recovering from chemo, trying to get things back on track, battling the insurance company, and wondering what my new insurance will cover. I am waiting to figure out what side effects of chemo and Lupron will stay around for a while and which ones will leave quickly - hair returning, neuropathy in my fingers and toes, fatigue, mood changes. Hoping that the Lupron shot protected my ovary so I have some chance of having another baby. Pondering adoption in case it did not.
I just wanted to have another baby. . . His due date was February 15th. He would have extended the family's birthday week by a couple of days, and that would have been fine with me. These are some of the pictures we have taken over the last week or so. From Lily's first stage performance where she was one of the loudest singers to seeing her bff santa to my Christmas or
Yesterday was my last chemo treatment. I also got another three month Lupron shot. It appears that this combination was not the best idea because today I feel really bad. It most closely resembles my first treatment, which also combined the chemo and Lupron in fairly quick succession. I did get acupuncture yesterday, but I feel like the chemo may have overtaken those effects. Only time will tell. I will get another acupuncture treatment tomorrow. At least I know this feeling bad part only lasts about a week. I can handle that.
I went for a visit with the doctor today. He seemed amazed by how well I am doing, the fact that I am still working, and that I came into his office smiling. He told me I looked great for having finished five rounds of chemo and that I "must be really tough." I take that as a compliment. :)
I had a mammogram last week, and that was all fine, which is a relief. It is really only a concern at my age because of the BRCA gene mutation. I will have a follow up PET scan after the sixth chemo treatment. The doctor will compare those results to the scan from before chemo. He does not expect to see anything concerning, and he said it will be helpful tracking concerns in the future. I will follow up with the doctor after the PET scan and every three months after that for the next two years. If everything is going well at that point, we will go to every six months. I know that is a while away, but I still wrote it in my meeting notes. I will also have to get my port accessed every five or so weeks, so I will not become a stranger to the infusion center for a while. We had a brief discussion about future children, but considering I am about to reup on my three month Lupron shot, that is not something I am really putting on the radar yet. John and I agreed that we will wait to consider pregnancy until the beginning of 2015 so I can heal physically and we can both recover mentally and emotionally. This is a difficult decision because I am not getting younger, but we want to be sure we are making a sound decision because it is a big one. So for now, I have one more chemo treatment to go. Then I will only have to deal with hot flashes and mood swings. . . At least I will have hair. Although I am giving strong consideration to keeping the short hair and wearing a wig when I want to. It is much less work than my original hair. |
AuthorI am a wife, mother, artist, special education teacher, animal lover, free spirit, generally content person. Archives
March 2014
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